Power Twins Comics

Took a couple of hours over the weekend to see Miyazaki’s latest US release. Having heard nothing about the film, except that it got four stars, and having never read the book, I really didn’t know what to expect. I’m a long time fan of Nausicaä, though, so I expected it to be visually stunning, staunchly anti-war, and rather twisted from a US point of view.

It was visually stunning. The castle itself is clearly the Hut of Babba Yaga, and moves like a living thing. The flying sequences and shape-shifting transitions of the title character are clever, and very smooth. There is photo-realistic scenery that, by all evidence, is hand-painted.

It was staunchly anti-war. Unlike American films, it isn’t anti-this war, or that war, or whatever war it is in fashion to be against this week. It is flat out against all wars, everywhere, from and for all time. “There goes a battle ship… wow, look at all those bombs,” says Howl. Sofie asks him, “who’s side is it?” Which prompts the response, “it doesn’t matter, they’re all murderers.” I am no fan of war. The one in this film’s only purpose was flush out the title character to deliver his heart to a jealous witch. But, having picked my share of sides over the years, it does matter which one you’re on.

It was rather twisted from a US point of view. I don’t know how the same reviewers that thought As Good as it Gets was “unique and refreshing” could have even followed this one, never mind given it four stars. For fans of Japanese story telling, this film is a great break from the traditional conventions on which we were raised. For people who needed the flash-back sequences in The Big Hit in order to follow the film, don’t bother, you’ll only go home confused.

Watched Constantine last night while inking Cowboys. This was an underrated film. I gotta admit I had, and still have, my doubts about Ted, Theodore, Logan as the Hellblazer. But Keanu has one talent, and it seems to be picking scripts to star in.

Once upon a time I read the comic on a regular basis, having been convinced to start by a friend’s description of the story Dangerous Habits. I rather liked how the film blended several storylines together, and in a way that a movie audience can understand. It does, however, make a few assumptions of the audience. That’s not a bad thing, but I did find myself explaining and figuring out things that a normal Hollywood piece would have pounded into the audience.

I really liked some of the special effects, and Lucifer—whose name means “Beautiful Bringer of Light”—being dressed all in white and key lighted was good indication of how thoughtful the special effects were.

Keanu managed to get by without his trademark “Whoa!” And that’s a good thing, I can suffer Hellblazer being set in LA, I don’t think I could handle John Constantine as a surfer.

Rachel Weisz has a thing for wet, white shirts, but she’s always wearing something black under them. Darn.

Yeah, yeah, yet another movie review. What can I say, I write and draw comics, watch movies, and play video games. Trust me, a review of Flight of the Phoenix is going to be more entertaining than a description of the four horse pills I take with my breakfast. Unless you really want to know what City of Heroes server on which I play; in which case finding out that I brought my level 50 blaster in to shorten the “Defeat Atta and his Guards in the Hollows” (for no exp) mission, and actually killed Atta with a single blow might be more interesting.

D.E.B.S is about a lesbian super criminal seducing a top agent trainee from an all-girl prep school with guns.

Still want to hear about the City of Heroes mission?

I thought so. On to the movie review:
D.E.B.S. was originally a 15 minute internet released film, it is now also a direct to DVD 91 minute feature. Written, directed, produced, edited, and by Angela Robinson, it was a pretty good joke as a 15 minute short. It is not a bad movie. It is not a great movie. On describing the film to Marc, he remarked, “it’s a lesbian version of Alias.” That’s a pretty accurate assessment. Though its story is more teen-moviesque than the contortions through which Alias goes.

A secret test hidden inside the S.A.T. measures young girls’ ability to become spies. Those who score high on the hidden portion of the test are approached and recruited to become secret agents for D.E.B. (the whole movie goes by before we learn that it means Discipline, Expertise, Beauty; I wouldn’t normally give something like that away, but it isn’t that good a payoff). The D.E.B.s are an all-girl school of spies in white button-ups and plaid skirts. All-girl, except Michael Clark Duncan who is a figure of undisclosed authority within the organization (while putting this baritone giant in a white button up and plaid skirt may have been hilarious, we are spared viewing his tree-trunk-like legs. He wears a suit).

Angela Robinson not so clearly has an agenda with this film. On looking for a link to the original short, I found that the first found site was Lesbianation.com. The film is clearly pro-lesbian, so this shouldn’t come as a shock to anyone. What I didn’t realize was that the writer, director, producer, editor, by credited person is a sort of poster child for lesbian success stories, and this film heralded as a success in that endeavor. I thought the spontaneous switch in the main character from trying to break up with her boyfriend from Homeland Security to suddenly being involved in a lesbian relationship with a super criminal was a rather abrupt change, sort of gratuitous, like a film targeted at college frat boys might do. “Dude, now she’s a lesbian, so we can see those two hot chicks making out!” I wouldn’t think of this as advancing to gay and lesbian issues, but they seem to.

The eye candy, the film’s most redeeming feature (for straight men), wasn’t bad. It seemed to me that they hiked the lead actress’s skirt up and extra two inches to draw the viewer’s eye to her. It works. But it was also necessary. It’s not that she’s unattractive, she’s just not eye catching. The villainess, on the other hand, is a much better eye-pull, even in her black jump suit. There is no nudity in this film, which would have been a crutch.

There are some good bits, like the force-field protecting the school being colored plaid, or the secret meeting between the super-criminal and an ex-KGB turned freelance assassin actually being a blind date, but mostly it’s pretty pedestrian. The totally teen joke “What did I tell you when we first met?” “That’s my bunk, bitch?” “After that.” was funny and well timed the first time it was used. The second time, thirty minutes later, it was like getting hit with a sack full of “done that one already.”

Don’t get me wrong, I have written several articles, under various pseudonyms, reminding proclaimers of originality that there is nothing new in this world. But, when one delivers a good joke, you shouldn’t repeat it in the same episode, nearly verbatim, just because it could be used. Running gags are different, like the villainess’s penchant for submerging Australia, this wasn’t a running gag, or if it was supposed to be, it failed to convey that.

Should you see this film? If you’re predisposed to like very campy lipstick spies, short plaid skirts that never come off, or lesbians for the sake of girls kissing and being in love with just anyone regardless of gender, then you could consider it. If you’re looking for a funny comedy poking fun of the conventional spy movie and the traditional roles of hero and villain, then don’t bother, D.E.B.S. doesn’t do that good a job of it.

Don’t bother.

I’ve waited over 20 years to see a movie adaptation of A Princess of Mars, or John Carter (of Mars).  I dedicate a lot of my writing to the teacher who introduced me to Edgar Rice Burroughs, and so this tale holds a special sort of endearment for me.  Disney’s adaptation was less satisfying than I’d hoped.

Let me first say, generally, it looks spectacular.  I did not see the 3D version, on purpose.  The inhabitants of Barsoom and action sequences are handled beautifully.  The green Martians, with their four working arms, look organic, and possible.  It’s the sort of thing that animators have struggled with in other films, but the Disney anthropomorphysicists have it down.  The practical scenery, on the other hands, is less believably alien, and looks a lot like lower Utah (where it was filmed).  Mars in the late 1800’s is a vast desert, sure, but it should still look like Mars.

The problem of the film is not so much the plot of the story as the volume and speed of it.  There’s too much, even for a nearly 3 hour film, and emotional transitions happen too fast.

There are, essentially, 3 nations we have to become acquainted with.  Each has its own culture, intent, and internal political struggle.  We’re taken through all three, but not in a fashion which lets us know who anyone is.  On top of it all, there’s a fourth interest.  A group of semi-omnipotent beings are playing all the others in an effort to keep the secret of “the ninth ray.”  It leaves one not only wondering what their motivations are for getting directly involved in anything, but what the first 8 rays are.  There’s just too much going on, and time is not taken to adequately explain in anything more than the broadest of strokes.

Pacing is a problem.  John summons the memory of finding his wife and child dead in their Virginia cabin to give him the determination to single handedly fight off a legion of green Martians.  Later, he jumps on a flying skiff to lead his new Thrak army off to save all of Barsoom, explaining that they should fly despite their fears because he was, “late once before.”  That victory still in his throat, he proposes to the Princess he’s known for a couple of days.

Burroughs wrote a series of John Carter books.  It seems Disney, aware that they were never going to make a sequel, wanted to push the entire saga’s worth of adventure into one film.  I think the story without which much of modern science fiction would not exist, deserved to have that story told with a little less ambition to skip over it in order to get to another scene of Carter proving what a badass working in one sixth your normal gravity makes you.